How do you show up to your holiday commitments? Do you find that your mindset is automatically in overwhelm? Striving for perfection is one of the main causes of stress during this time of year.
In the past, I was always on overdrive starting around Thanksgiving. I was already focused on the overwhelm ahead of me with the holiday season approaching. I wanted everything to be perfect, but most of the time my mind was somewhere else. I was in the future, leaving my reality neglected.
Our mindset creates expectations for the future. When we focus on what our expectations are, the “good, the bad and the ugly,” we are setting ourselves up for something that may or may not happen. But the worry and overwhelm are present in our minds.
What you focus on is what you train your brain to attune to.
We are socially conditioned from childhood, even when it comes to the holidays and our expectations. Sometimes it is the expectation of what to bring to an event, a family gathering, or the actual holiday meal. Other times, we can be focused on what the others are contributing or how they might make a mess of our holiday. Either way, in these situations, we are feeding our expectations. We are orienting our minds to conjure up the perfect holiday experience. Does reality ever coincide with this idealized scenario?
When we put this type of stress on ourselves, it can lead to disappointment, sadness and often anxiety. I have noticed in my own life, when I reset my own expectation and mindset to neutral, I am less saddened, overwhelmed or disappointed. The less I expect the easier it is to stay present and focused on what is in front of me. I can enjoy the moments as they happen.
There is so much pressure and stress surrounding the holidays. How can you let go of your “standard” approach to the holiday season and look at this time of year on a moment-to-moment basis? Expect only to be present without expecting perfection. This mindset helps us feel balanced and comfortable during this busy time of year.
There can be a lot of focus on perfection around the holiday. Here are a few things you can do right now to help release some of the stress:
• Get to know the things that stress you out. Being aware of your patterns and needs during this time (and anytime) are the first steps. Once you become aware, try to catch yourself when you become caught up in expectations. Refocus your mind on what you might be able to do differently.
• Look externally at what makes you feel uncomfortable or disappointed. Take a step back to the previous year and try to remember your triggers. Once you have a clear picture, ask yourself what part of the behavior of the other can you actually control. The reality is that we have no control over anyone else in our life. Control is an illusion. When we accept this truth, it helps us move forward in some of these situations without feeling responsible for others.
• Surround yourself with a supportive community that understands you and brings you joy. Find one person that you can trust, talk with, and share your stressful thoughts.
• Find quiet time to be alone, breathe, and even meditate before family events or parties.
• Self-care during the year is always important, but even more so when you are entering the busy holiday season. Find a practice that energizes you, something that fills your cup and reduces or relieves your stress.
Supporting yourself in every way during the holidays and all year long is important. Finding some specific tools that work for you and help to relieve your stress will offer you more joy and happiness during the season. Here’s to creating beautiful memories that you can feel good about during this season. Less stress and more joy. Cheers!
